When you look into the night sky, what do you see? Some simply see darkness and nothing more. Others see bright stars and planets that are worlds away. The answer is different for everyone. Some look into the night sky and see flashing lights of a city skyline or the moon shining through a field of trees. Others see something new every night they find the time to take in the world around them. There is no right answer. That’s one of most beautiful things about the night sky, there are endless possibilities for what someone can see. It all comes down to each individual person’s perspective. When someone is going through a hard time, they might look into the night sky for a glimmer of hope that everything will be okay. Another might look to the sky searching for something they can’t seem to find in their life and again the possibilities are endless. Reassurance that they are wherever they should be. An answer to a problem they might be working through. Gratitude for having the privilege to be alive. The answer changes and it can change everyday, depending on where you are, what you’re doing and what you need. The special thing about the night sky is that it is always there. The only universal experience that every single living organism on Earth shares is the sky, but the night sky is different. When you look to the sky during the day, you see a picture that can include the sun, clouds, maybe an airplane or rain. But when the day ends, and the night sky comes alive, there is something special. There’s a reminder that we live and breathe on a floating rock in the middle of the never ending expanse of a universe. Stars, constellations, planets, the moon. The night sky is alive with history, stories, answers, beauty, science, elements and possibilities. The incredible part of the night sky comes from its constancy in every individuals life whether you realize that or not. Every single person can look into the night sky and see the same universe that someone thousands of miles away is also seeing.
When I look into the night sky, I see a reminder that I am here, on this floating rock in the middle of space, for a reason. At my core, I believe that my reason for being here is to enjoy life. Within that, there are so many other elements that makeup that core reason. To enjoy life, I believe one has to simply recognize how lucky they are to be alive and how little the chances of being born are. Life is meant to be enjoyed, whatever that means to you. We live in a world that has so much to offer us and we live in a time where it is possible to explore an infinite amount of experiences. These experiences are endless and new opportunities arise everyday. Meeting new people, traveling to a new country, climbing to the top of a mountain, swimming in lakes and oceans, reading books, learning about everything under the sun, listening to music, creating art, poetry, pictures and memories, simply enjoying everything our world has to offer. There is an entire planet to explore and experience and I think that is absolutely insane, but it’s also incredibly exciting. I have the opportunity to learn about the constellations and stars that are rich with the history of the people who lived before me. I have the opportunity to learn about the planets that also exist within our little galaxy. I have the opportunity to learn about everything outside of our tiny corner of the universe. The opportunity for all these opportunities serve as a reason. A reason to make the most of your life because you have the power to make it whatever you want it to be. A reason to take advantage of everything you possibly can in the short time you have to be a part of the universe. A reason to just be grateful for being alive. And most importantly, a reason to simply enjoy the absolute fuck out of your life.
When 19 year old me looks into the night sky, what does she see? She sees that special reminder that she is alive for a reason and that reminder has saved her life. When she is going through a really hard time in her life, she finds herself looking to the universe for answers. She wants to know why she deserves to be alive, even when she feels like she doesn’t deserve to. She wants to know why she feels alone, even when she’s in a room full of people. She wants to know why she has to experience those dark thoughts, even though they terrify her. She wants to know why she feels like she has nothing to offer the world. And she just wants to know why no one is telling her it will all be okay. Except, someone is telling her, and that special someone is the night sky, in a different form: herself. Deep deep down inside herself, she knows she deserves to be here, she knows she is not alone, she knows why she is experiencing those dark thoughts, she knows that she has so much to offer the world and most importantly she knows it will all be okay. The night sky helps her to realize that she has all of the answers within herself, she just needs to find them and she needs to want to find them. It’s easy to ignore all her problems. It’s easy to focus on everyone else and how she can help them, instead of helping herself. It’s easy to pretend everything is good and there is no bad in her life or the world. It’s easy to eat her feelings instead of feeling them. It’s easy to laugh about her problems instead of working through them. And it’s easy to lose herself through years of not thinking she is good enough for her family, friends and the world, instead of loving herself for the incredible person she is. She is optimistic, kind, smart, thoughtful, ambitious, lazy, bubbly, creative, funny and most importantly bright. She has the ability to brighten up the life of any person who is lucky enough to know her. And the sad part is that from so many years of feeling like being herself was not good enough for anyone, she has failed to realize that she is someone too. She has the ability to brighten up her own life and for so long she refused to accept that she deserves herself, all parts of herself. She deserves to enjoy her life. The hard part is having the courage to find the answers to questions she searched for in the night sky, in herself. That’s why the night sky is so special to her. When she looks to it, whenever she doesn’t believe she deserves to be here, it reminds her that she is here to enjoy life. It reminds her that if she were to not be here, she would hurt so many people. And those reminders are what gives her the courage to find the answers within herself. Slowly, she is starting to find those answers, but more importantly find herself. She went back to who she was before life got hard and complicated. She was happy, kind, bossy, lazy, optimistic, curious, adventurous, eager to learn, intelligent, thoughtful, scared, creative, funny and most importantly bright. She lost a lot of those parts of herself when life started to happen. She didn’t find the simple joy in everything she loved in the same way she did as a kid. Nature, space, music, reading, history and art became little slivers of her life while school, her family, friends, boys, responsibilities and everything in between became her whole life. But, she is now at a point in her life where she is starting to return those slivers to the bigger pieces of her life they deserve to be. She is starting to prioritize what she wants and needs before focusing on what everyone else wants and needs. She is not pushing every negative thought or feeling deep down and pretending everything is always sunshine and rainbows. She is learning to shed the toxic positive mindset she used for years to cope and shield the bad stuff. She is going back to who she was as a kid. She knows that it was easy to be positive as a kid because life had not happened yet. She knows that to be a truly positive person now, she must acknowledge the bad and then continue to see the good instead of ignoring the bad. She is learning to set boundaries and not let everyone walk all over her. She is learning to genuinely appreciate every moment of where she is at in her life, good and bad. She is learning to not rely on everyone else's validation for her feelings, thoughts, actions and looks. She is learning that it is okay to not be okay. She is learning to be the person to tell her that, for herself. She knows that she has the power to make her life what she wants it to be and she is starting to do that. She knows that everything happens for a reason and that if she doesn’t know the reason, she’s simply in the happening. And most importantly, she is just learning to be who she is to everyone else for herself. She is putting in the work to find herself and be there for her, even when somedays are harder than others. 19 year old me is an incredible, bright, special person and always has been and I am so proud of her for finally starting to see that. The night sky helped remind her that she is alive for a reason and that she deserves to enjoy life. So when 19 year old me looks to the night sky, she sees a never ending expanse filled with bright stars, planets, the moon but most importantly a special reminder to enjoy everything life has to offer, good and bad.
Enjoy your life. I love you, and of course, if it is just me reading this, I love you and I am so proud of you.
1/28/22
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